awkward

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There are many problematic things about becoming so absorbed in a television program that you begin to replace your real world life with the fictional characters in the show. The most prominent of these things would have to be the identification of the characters with people you encounter and/or really know.

Take for instance, Downton Abbey, the entertainment train that I have hopped aboard reluctantly this week—approximately two years late. I swear I spent twenty minutes in the sauna alone today with Mr. Bates, cane and all. I came very close to saying something, but considering the name of his look-a-like and the circumstances we were in I felt it best to refrain from doing so in the event that he might interpret that as some sort of come on.

Personally, I like to think of myself within the show as beautiful and clever Mary or her sassy grandmother. Unfortunately, I am all too aware of this inaccuracy. I think I am more of Daisy type, seeing as she is perpetually doing the wrong thing at the wrong time, being annoying and mousy and no one really likes her.

This realization of my character equivalent made me think of all the ways in which I am, in fact, very much Daisy-esque. I thought the best way to convey this was through replication of a meme, because I love memes and that is just that.

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(Mostly my inclusion of a meme is due to my hope that when this posts to Facebook, that it will select the meme photo as the one to post on my wall. I really loved that it chose “rape sloth” to show last time, making me seem like a proponent of rape. Great!)

  • I don’t always pick my nose, but when I do, I notice someone watching me
  • I don’t always run into professors outside of class, but when I do, I am either buying tampons or at hot yoga
  • I don’t always lock my car doors while driving, but when I do, there is an ethnic family crossing the street in front of me that hear me do so
  • I don’t always accidentally turn on my Pandora in class, but when I do, my Ja-Rule station is playing
  • I don’t always say I will watch people’s cats for the weekend when they are out of town, but when I do, I totally forget and their cat starves for two days (sorry jessie)
  • I don’t always change the TV channel at work, but when I do, it always ends up being Tosh.O somehow showing inappropriate videos and dining families complain
  • I don’t always turn on the radio, but when I do, Macklemore is on
  • I don’t always laugh when I see someone trip..wait, no yes I do.
  • I don’t always graduate from college, but when I did, they messed up my information and I went full on Claire Danes in Homeland and psychotically cried like a little bitch
  • I don’t always go to the Distillery with my friends, but when I do, I cry psychotically like a little bitch until we leave
  • I don’t always watch the Biggest Loser, but when I do, I cry psychotically like a little bitch and have to change the channel
  • I don’t always feel any particular emotion, but when I do, I cry psychotically like a little bitch and justify it with humor later
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