v is for vodka

ATTENTION SINGLES OF ALBUQUERQUE:

A certain holiday is right around the corner that may or may not be a glorified attempt at population control by means of inspiring mass suicide, and I think I speak for all of us when I say it would truly be ideal for it just to be forgotten throughly so we can just skip to the cheap candy already.

You know what I’m talking about: Martin Luther King day.

Kidding! Good old MLK suspends the return to school for a whole day, so he’s okay in my book. Not that the school thing is applicable to myself anymore, but I fully plan on celebrating by approaching people outside of hotels with the introductory phrase, “I have a dream” and then reading them an entry from my dream journal.

Too soon?

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Really though, the archaic celebration of Valentine’s Day is only made tolerable by the massive candy buying excursions that occur the following day. And I am ALWAYS in favor of anything involving candy.

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I decided to take things into my own hands this year, by finally canceling my subscription to christianmingle.com. Talk about #failedexperiment #evenjesusdidntwearpants

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and instead browsing Craigslist. Turns out, many men have been looking for me! Who knew, all this time?! So many prospects.

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you better believe I clicked on all of those. Ah, the Albuquerque treasure that is our male population.

 

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Naturally, I have responded to each of these potential suitors and if none of them murder me then I see a real possible future with them. I have already found some V-Day cards for them featuring none other than my D-ton Abbey homeboy Tom, a sexualized Dumbledore, and the ever feisty Golden Girls. Who says dating is difficult? Done and done.

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