ATTENTION SINGLES OF ALBUQUERQUE:
A certain holiday is right around the corner that may or may not be a glorified attempt at population control by means of inspiring mass suicide, and I think I speak for all of us when I say it would truly be ideal for it just to be forgotten throughly so we can just skip to the cheap candy already.
You know what I’m talking about: Martin Luther King day.
Kidding! Good old MLK suspends the return to school for a whole day, so he’s okay in my book. Not that the school thing is applicable to myself anymore, but I fully plan on celebrating by approaching people outside of hotels with the introductory phrase, “I have a dream” and then reading them an entry from my dream journal.
Really though, the archaic celebration of Valentine’s Day is only made tolerable by the massive candy buying excursions that occur the following day. And I am ALWAYS in favor of anything involving candy.
I decided to take things into my own hands this year, by finally canceling my subscription to christianmingle.com. Talk about #failedexperiment #evenjesusdidntwearpants
and instead browsing Craigslist. Turns out, many men have been looking for me! Who knew, all this time?! So many prospects.
you better believe I clicked on all of those. Ah, the Albuquerque treasure that is our male population.
Naturally, I have responded to each of these potential suitors and if none of them murder me then I see a real possible future with them. I have already found some V-Day cards for them featuring none other than my D-ton Abbey homeboy Tom, a sexualized Dumbledore, and the ever feisty Golden Girls. Who says dating is difficult? Done and done.