Ben Franklin was a dick, also not a president

Happy President’s Day!

STILL FUNNY

In honor of this momentous holiday, I dedicated my morning to watching drunk history on Youtube and drinking coffee in my bed for the past three hours. I think the most important thing I gained from college was my superb time management skills and inclination toward perpetual productivity.

In fact, I would say this whole month has been one big example of being just right on track, knowing exactly what I should be doing, and then choosing to do the exact opposite of that. If you ignore things, they cease to exist as issues.

Point in case: hunger in third world countries.

Okay, inappropriate. I know. You would think I majored in being an asshole, but you would be wrong.

That was my minor.

One thing I remain exceptional at is making lists.

List of things I should have been doing already in February

(it is half way through the month for Pete’s sake!)

Side note—Who is Pete, and how is he a replacement for God in this phrase.

Side-side-note—Googling of this phrase’s origin has informed me of two things.

1. “Pete” is St. Peter, an apostle. Apparently we are all on very familiar terms with him.
2. People are full of shit, unless they are too stupid to be. Then they are just idiots.

**Click this link. I particularly enjoyed chemicalscream08’s take on the situation.

Side-side-side note WTF is a chemical scream? What caused you to choose that as a screen name (says the girl whose UNM net ID was kallie69). The likelihood that this person is a serial killer meth dealer is very high and their opinion should be taken with a grain of salt.

Instructions for the reading of this list. The phrase on the left is what I SHOULD be doing, the phrase on the right is what I have been doing instead.

1. Spring cleaning and getting rid of things I never wear** … Stealing my friend’s sweaters and adding to the atrocity that is my closet.

2. Going for runs outside…Eating candy that is now on sale

3. Watching the Olympics…Reading the Book Thief and not caring about the Olympics

4. Bathing regularly…Not doing that

5. Reading the news and being an informed citizen of the world…Reading the Onion, watching the Colbert Report

6. Saving money like a responsible adult…Spending 60 dollars at Target buying practical items such as a heart shaped cake pan, a T-shirt from the children’s section, and zoo animal valentines to give to my friends. I just can’t pass up animal puns–Sue me!

7. Finding a boyfriend…see above ^^

8. Showing up to my Substitute Teacher orientation the first time…Sleeping through it and having to reschedule

9. Paying attention at the aforementioned training and diligently taking notes on the information that anyone with common sense should already know and be able to figure out without the help of a five-hour orientation…Doing a crossword and FINISHING IT #worthyaccomplishment

**so everything that is not yoga pants