The sequel to that other book.
As rewarding as this last hour watching the cockroach my cat brought inside last night, turned upside down, and subsequently forgot squirm and slowly die has been, it has also initiated some reflection on my part. (Most importantly I want to urge you to not fret, Maverick will eat the roach later.)
This is my convoluted way of telling you I joined Tinder for 48 hours and THAT SHIT WAS WEIRD.
**My god, first off let me warn you to never Google “single humor” because it is just straight up depressing. Turns out, ain’t nothing funny about being alone. Sadly it seems the funny single people are not the ones spending time making memes about being unspoken for.
Considering my social calendar has not necessarily been conducive to meeting new people, I decided to boldly check out what I was missing from the comfort of my own living room. It’s been like Garfield minus Garfield on repeat over here these days and I figured what the hell! Let’s check out all the tail that is available within a 15 mile radius. The contenders were eclectic to say the least..
Little did I know all I was missing!
Insert terrified emoji here.
This action only reaffirmed my commitment to being alone forever and ever and ever and ever because if there’s one thing I’ve learned from existentialism is that hell is other people. Okay not all other people. But sometimes you want to do things on your own that you don’t want company for. Like most things that I do, for instance.
Playing the Sims for hours on end and killing them off one by one. Or all at once. #simsurvivor #houseonfirewhocanescape #alldoorsandwindowsaredeleted #youcansellurns #nomoreghosts
Watching Sex and the City you rented from the library (that’s what the library is for right?) until 3 a.m.
Getting home from a bar and making oatmeal #winning
Practicing your atrocious Swedish during lengthy chats with your cats in a nonjudgmental environment
Doing yoga in your living room
Drinking wine in your bed
Honing your already extensive knowledge of Eminem lyrics
Reading this, I am realizing what a freaking catch I am. I have so many useful interests and skills! Maybe if I had listed these on the Tinder profile and/or not included my cats in all my pictures I would have received more “likes”.
Then again, maybe I should just meet people in the sauna like a normal person.