Long story short I re-downloaded Tinder in a moment of extreme desperation. I blame P.S. I Love You, for making me want a nice, cute Irish boy to marry me and then die and leave me notes. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?! I mention this moment as though it is some unusual set of mind for me..Truth be told, it is absolutely not. If I ever tell you I’m not desperate, I am lying.
Honestly, I am just under-stimulated and totally bored now that I finished the new Orange is the New Black season in under a week. So back to online pseudo-dating it is!
Turns out there is no filtering option for particular ethnicities/ nationalities (I.e. Irish and inclined to die soon). Go figure. I’ll tell you what there should be a filter for: Creeps.
Unfortunately Tinder will never do this, because if this filter existed about 3/4ths of their users would be eliminated…At least it’s entertaining.
It seems like there are several types of dude on Tinder that just repeat over and over and over in different manifestations.
There is your standard Guy With Gun in Profile Picture
(not that type of gun.. put that thing away man!)
Next up there is Guy With Dead Animal and/or Gun in Profile Picture
That Guy You Kinda Know From High School
Followed by Guy Who is Always in Pictures With Other Guys
Is there REALLY no vowel in your name between the last two letters?
And Guy in Intimate Embraces With Different Girls
“Honey, how many times have I told you to not use our X-Mas Card picture when scouring for booty online?”
Guy With Many Children That May Be His, or products of extreme Mormonism, or Kidnapping
Way Too Old For This Shit Guy
Guy Who Might Actually Be a Girl, Also May Have Been on American Idol
Guy Who Loves the Shit Out of God
..Like Way Too Much
Guy Who Looks Like He Would Probably Most Likely Murder You
Guy Who Looks Like He Would Probably Most Likely Murder You and Make A Skin Coat From Your Body For His Pug
That Guy Who Made A Fur Coat For Himself Out Of That Other Guy’s Pug
Guy Who Takes Photos of Himself Working Out
Pathological Liar Guy
Guy Who Wants To Wink So Badly But Just Cant
And then there is this guy