It has come to our attention that a matter of international security has arisen. It has been reported that the dogs have, once again, been let out.
First and foremost, it is of utmost importance that you do not panic. The proper authorities have been alerted and are doing their best to maintain the situation. Please do your best to keep your families and loved ones safe in this dire moment in history by keeping them away from areas of potential dog interest. Shoe stores and post offices have henceforth been temporarily closed for employee safety.
If you have any information regarding the dogs’ whereabouts or who might have let them out please call 1-800-SEE-DOGS
International Political Expert Donald Trump released the following statement,
“The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.”
It wasn’t about this, but it remains applicable.
Investigation of this event will be supplemented with video evidence of this terrible occurrence.
The escape occurred early this morning, as the guard of Manoe Hills Doggie Day Care was inattentively watching television. He was informed of the escape moments before it happened, by the very program he was watching.
Speculation of inside assistance follows the evidence, which shows the doors opening seemingly by themselves. The first escapees out of the door are far too small to have turned any sort of handle, indicating the help of a mechanization device, a ghost, or most likely, inside help of humans.
The (Baha) men, leading experts in dog forensics, have been called in to solve the case.
They began by identifying the very necessary, though obvious, question concerning the crime—
Who let the dogs out?
The female dog-catcher vehicle contingent has been dispatched with binoculars in tow, cleverly camouflaged in animal print hats and sunglasses.
The dogs are very much on the run, with one canine reportedly knocking over an unattended fruit stand. Let the evidence show that the pup known as “Alfredo” must serve additional time for emotional distress for the owner of this fruit stand.
The terrier, “T-Bone” is additionally charged with sexually harassing a woman, causing her to clutch a pole in fear.
But never fear, the Baha squad is here!They are on the case and continue to confer, in a language spoken by no other than themselves. In an interview, member “Breaka” Butler released the following statement;
“Say, A doggy is nuttin’ if he don’t have a bone
All doggy hold ya’ bone, all doggy hold it
A doggy is nuttin’ if he don’t have a bone
All doggy hold ya’ bone, all doggy hold it”
Reports indicate the dogs are running through fields and wreaking havoc on beach communities around the globe. Or just Miami, it’s hard to tell.
We have just been informed mail man Rick O’Leary is the first victim of the dogs. They cornered him by a building and viciously attacked him. He is in critical condition. Needless to say, mail may be late in many households today.
Who let the dogs out?! Who? Who? Who?
Rik Carey blue-shirt Baha has officially entered the manhunt, through his blue house, with a blue window, and blue corvette. When questioned about the incident he responded,
“Blue is the colour of all that I wear.
Blue are the streets and all the trees are too.
I have a girlfriend and she is so blue.
Blue are the people here tat walk around,
Blue like my corvette, it’s in and outside.
Blue are the words I say and what I think.
Blue are the feelings that live inside me.”
The sexual harassing terrier, T-Bone has found Anthony “Monks” Flowers Leroy red-shirt Baha in the junkyard!
It seems the tides have turned against the Baha crew! A chase is currently occurring of the men through the field, and the female backup is close behind.
Agents are changing strategy, employing the age-old dance party sting operation. The criminals will not be able to resist such a get together: there is enthusiastic line dancing and colorful shirts. Fact. The female agents are on the prowl for any canine guests, throwing down the gauntlet with a dance off.
Take that dogs!
Dancing is still actively occurring.
The dogs have been safely deposited back into their rightful location, the security guard has not moved.